Guilt

I have my final exams starting this coming Saturday, and i am not ready at all. But i can still sit here and blog. The reason is because i feel so painful inside that i had to express it. I could not take the pain any longer.

I never thought that the small things i've done in the past would be so important in the present. Whenever i think about them, i really regret and sometimes i feel so guilty about them. I always think how i wish the sour past did not happen. How i wish i was not like that, how i wish i didn't do those stuff i've done. But the question that made me wonder till now, is why did i do all those stuff? Whenever i think about why i did them, my mind starts spinning and i feel confused, and i'll ask myself back, "why did i?".

I've hurt my love one in so many ways because of this. And when i think of it, my heart hurts as well. The pain i feel when i think about this makes me feel guilty, it makes me hate myself at times for causing this unnecessary pain to my love.

I'm so sorry for giving you problems, i've never thought that my past would affect you this much. I'm so sorry baby.

It has been a while since i express myself here.

Right now, at the very moment... i'm feeling stressed out. Why? Stupid darn lecturers didn't give much tips, so basically gotta study everything. Bleh...

At the same time, i'm having problem studying, because my mind is not at peace right now, it is disturbed, sigh... i need to be stronger in the mind.

.

A wonderful story to me.

The other night, someone told me a story that made me feel very warm inside. The story was about a family, 2 parents and 2 children (a girl and a boy). I’ve been told, the father was dressed like normal, T-shirt and jeans. The mother was dressed in an above knee length purple dress and heels, and I was told she was beautiful. The little girl was dressed in a light pink dress with white dots, with roller shoes. The little boy was wearing those stripe shirts with blue pants and those blue shoes that make noise as he walks.
This family went shopping in Mid Valley and was walking around. The little girl was holding her dad’s hand and the little boy was holding his mummy’s hand. As they were walking, the little girl was playing with her roller shoes by letting her dad drag her. Then the dad said, “you better stop being lazy and start walking or else I’ll throw the shoes.” The little girl then ran to her mum calling “mummy….” And hid behind her mother. The dad then called her over, but the little girl refused to and hid her face at the mum’s butt. The mum then says, “see, see… “ And the dad went “what…?” then the mum reminded him, “what did you say to her just now?”, and he says, “that I’ll throw the shoes away?”. “Exactly” says mum. The little boy started giggling in his cute little way. The little boy often puts his hands together, always holding them together and he always puts his lower lip behind the upper lip, like he’s biting the lower lip.
The dad then tries to call the little over, but she said “don’t want” and tear. The mum carries the little girl as they walk, and the mum told the boy to go over to his daddy. While they were walking, the dad tried to cheer her up by walking behind the mum, where the daughter can see him and said “don’t cry”. But the little girl hid her face at the mum’s face. The mum then said, “see cry so much my face also wet already”. The dad then told the son, “see son, girls always cry, you should not cry like that”. The boy responds with his giggle. Later on the dad said to the girl, “come daddy take you buy something” and the girl said, “don’t want”. The dad then said, “you want ice cream?”, “I want” says the girl. the dad then said “come daddy buy ice cream for you”, the girl then says “I don’t want daddy buy, I want mummy buy”. The dad then said, “son I buy big ice cream for you” and the little girl suddenly said, “I also want” along she pulls her mum and walks towards her dad. When she got her ice cream, she enjoyed it and there were chocolate ice cream all over her mouth.
Later on the little girl asked her dad, “daddy do you love me?”. Then daddy says, “of course sweetie, daddy loves you”. The little boy then asks, “how about me daddy? Do you love me?” and the dad replies “of course son, I wont forget you, I love you too.” And the boy starts to giggle. Suddenly the little girl asked, “daddy do you love mummy?” Daddy then walked towards his wife and held her hand, and went on one knee and said, “of course I do, and this is how I purposed to your mummy.” The wife was so shy that she said, “we are in public now.” The husband then got up and kissed his wife. The daughter went “Eee… mummy and daddy kissing” while the son said, “what is mummy and daddy doing? I also want” and started to giggle again.
After that, they kept walking around, the son walks few steps and then falls down. Due to that, the dad carried him and walked. Even while he’s being carried, his hands are still put together.

This is a wonderful story that I heard on november 6 2009 which made me smile.
You may not understand why, but there's a reason to it. =)

Ps: this is not 100% exact, just a summary.

I for You

Is it reality?
Can you no longer love?
I still remember our awkward encounter
At last i understand the meaning...
Although this sad world has wounded us, together we will survive

I hpe with all my heart, that one day,
I'll be able to see the real you

Do you still smile sadly?
My emptiness can match your sorrow
Since i was born, i live only for you
I wonder if this can ever change

I want to speak to you from my heart
I know you are hurting but we will make it
I love you with all my heart
Let me erase every pain you have suffered

I for you

I want to speak to you from my heart
and gaze lovingly into your smiling face
I love you with all my heart,
i want to collect all of the happiness and shower it on you

I for you

All You Can Eat Pasta!

Today i met up with Michael and some of his friends for lunch. We went to this place in Kelana Jaya. It is a restaurant where you can eat pasta till you puke. I forgot the name of the restaurant, but the land mark would be Giant.

All you need to do is just pay RM 14.80, and you'll get 1 drink (ice lemon tea/juice) am not sure, 1 soup of the day, and 1 salad. The best part is, there are 6 different types of pasta, so after your first plate, you can order another kind, and another till you just can't eat anymore.

Well as for me, i know it wont be worth it for me so i did not join them for the pasta, instead i ordered Fish & Chips, i did try the pasta though, it was pretty nice.

I like the way they design the restaurant as well, and this picture above, looks kinda scary when it is black & white.

The outside view is pretty nice, however we did not sit outside because it's burning hot outside.

A very nice place i would say =)
For those who can eat a lot loves pasta, you'll love it here.

Expression

This is from the drama Full house song called "Fate"
The lyrics some what is similar to how i feel...


I dont really know love
I didnt know it would come to me like this
My heart doesnt act like it wants to in front of my love

If I knew I was going to be like this,
I wouldn’t have started in the first place
Like a fool, I am regretting this late

I wished that you wouldnt be my love
I wished that it wouldnt be you
You deceited me, telling me that its not love

I hoped that it would be a passing by fate
Because painful wounds will be left on me
But even when I know this, I am still greedy
It keeps getting me sad

I thought that it was a wrong start
I thought so easily
I believed that I could always call you

What should I do?
Where did it go wrong?
I need to avoid this love
But I yearn for everything about you

Now if its not you, there is no meaning to anything
I can’t contain myself anymore
The fact that I have to erase you
Today again,

It makes it even more hard..

Salsa Performance

Had my performance at Metro Club last Thurs... cant remember the date... hehe... enjoy... if wanna learn salsa let me know. =p.

Uncertain

Gosh i really do not know what i want. When i have decided on something, i thought i would be sure about it. Dammit.... Now i'm stuck again. Doing what i planned to do is not exactly what i want, but i had to do it in order to protect myself, because of that the determination to go on will not be there. Sigh... good gracious... i really really do not know what to do.

I guess people will always say, do the right thing. But because i'm soft hearted i end up being too nice. Ish... I need to make myself numb.

Yeap that's it... numb myself... =)

Boa - Energetic

Boa's new video! It's amazinggg!

Life, full of surprises.

Life indeed is full of surprises, whether is good or bad, we have to accept.
When you surprise me in a good way, i feel happy.
but when it's the other way round, i feel like someone is tearing me apart.
Sometimes i really wonder, what have i done to you to deserve this?
I'm like the innocent person being hurt by you for no reason.
I cared and still care for you dearly, but yet you hurt me.

I really wonder, what is it gonna be like in the future.
How is our relationship as friends gonna be?
How i wish, that we can go back to before,
Before all this complications happened.

Benny's Wedding

Dance Spirit Group

Hate Chivas...

Emma

Bobby...

Dance Spirit Performance at PAvillion... =)

I'm really lazy to rearrange... so pls look at the pics from bottom to top... thanks..

Thanks I-yin

My Buddy

My Partner... pls dont leave...

Sifu

Thank God for everything.

I've received this before, it touched me for the first time. Even this second time, i am touched.

Sometimes we understand a message better when it is illustrated...



.....and you question God - 'why me?'....
always look at the bigger picture....

A day without the Lord - Is a day wasted.


God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. If you believe, please send this to ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

Thank God for the stuff that didn’t hit you!

"Honk if you love Jesus" =)

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
"Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from
a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer
meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that
the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all
those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to
leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Crazy Havana

I'm like so addicted to havana now... heehee... here are some pictures when i was there....
This is considered a practice for us before the actual day.

11/6/09

After Make up Session

During the Cha cha workshop

Sifu belanja us tequilla before performance... haha if that's the case i shall perform more. ;)

Death Drop

Err this is called what ar? Hahah q-bern float? (dont know how to spell q-bern)
After performance =)

haha =)

Supper...

12/06/09


Another preview, because the owner asked us to perform again, dont know for what reason though.

After performance, we had our own fun. =)